I was laughing at my graph (below) this morning at all the ups and downs thinking, that's exactly how my life has been lately. I can't really remember the last time I had a really bad day where everything possible went wrong--maybe I've blocked it out--but I have definitely had some emotional ups and downs this semester (gee, I wonder why?). I love how whenever I'm down though, Heavenly Father always sees fit to show me the good things in my life. With the good comes the bad, and with the bad comes the good. How else would we truly be able to enjoy the good with no bad to compare it to? How many times have we heard that there must be opposition in all things?
Well my heart is a little bit sad today. I wasn't even going to post anything today, I just wanted to keep my feelings to myself and have a quiet day, but I was thinking about life and death and trying to comprehend it all and wanted to write out my feelings. See, a good friend and close neighbor of ours, someone I've known 11 years, Ryan longer, had a brain aneurysm on Saturday. This was very sad and unexpected news for us. This neighbor and friend's name is Jack. He's around 70 years old. He and his wife are the kindest, goodest people. We've lived in their neighborhood for over 6 years. In our old "new" house he'd occasionally bring us produce from his huge garden (he loves gardening and is very good at it). And ever since we moved just down the lane to this rental house, he has looked out for us and has completely supplied us with produce all summer long. He knew how much Ryan loves gardening and that we no longer had our monstrous garden, so he took it upon himself to stock us up with his yummy, fresh fruits and vegetables. I have never seen longer or fatter ears of corn than the ones Jack grew. I have never tasted cantaloupe as sweet and juicy as the ones Jack grew. He sure knows how to grow things well. Last summer he'd come by several times a week dropping things off, sometimes when we'd be gone, and we'd come home to a box of produce on our back porch and I was always so grateful for that. It touched me that he thought of us on a regular basis and wanted to share with us his goodness. We enjoyed all summer long his swiss chard, spinach, peas, green beans, cucumbers, tomatoes, grapes, apples, cantaloupe, potatoes, corn, and a variety of squashes. We actually still have 3 butternut squashes in the storage room from him waiting for us to eat them. We'll now eat them with extra sweet thoughts of Jack. We also, just a week ago, got a bunch of raspberry starts from Jack's raspberry bushes and Christian and I planted them in one of our planter boxes in the backyard. I now look at that box and think of Jack and am just so thankful for him. I'm thankful for his kindness that he showed me and my family. I'm thankful for his good example on how to love your neighbor and how to share. I'm thankful for the little bond he had with Christian and I'm thankful that my other children felt love for Jack also. I'm thankful for all the times I was able to talk to Jack and thank him for everything. He's our ward clerk and I always liked to smile at him as he'd walk by our aisle and take count of the congregation. He'd always smile right back. I'm thankful for the last time I really talked to him which was a couple weeks ago at church. I had seen that he had been gone for a couple weeks and so I told him we've missed him and asked if everything was all right. He then proceeded to tell me all about the Caribbean cruise that he and his wife went on and how beautiful it was.
Well, we all know that brain aneurysms are a very bad thing. Jack now has no brain activity and is on life-support. From what we hear through the grapevine, today is the day that his family will go say goodbye to him and let him go. My heart just aches for them. Jack's wife Ann is so sweet. I hate to see her go through this. And Jack's daughter and her family are also in our ward and my heart goes out to them. Gretel is friends with Jack's grand daughter and this has kind of hit home to her and my other kids. We have talked about it a lot this weekend. The kids have had lots of questions and even though it's really sad, it's good to see their little minds working, thinking, pondering, trying to understand death. Yesterday when Ryan told them Jack was going to die they got quiet, and I watched them closely as they sat quietly, thinking about what this meant. Christian said "I don't want Jack to die" and last night he said family prayer for us and in his prayer he asked Heavenly Father to "please bless Jack that he can be happy". The tears have been close to the surface this weekend, and I've tried to hold them back because the kids always make a big deal out of it when I cry, but now I feel I can let them flow freely. I'm surprised at how much I feel towards Jack. It's not like he was my father or anything. He was just someone who was so easy to love and who meant a lot to our family. All weekend the hymn "Each Life That Touches Ours For Good" has been in my mind because Jack has done just that--touched our life for good. We love him and are so glad to have a little part of him in our raspberry patch, that will be a constant reminder of him and will grow on forever.
Emily's Corn Cakes With Black Beans
10 years ago
3 comments:
Oh Erika. So sorry for your loss. Isn't it nice that we can help our children understand that our loved ones go on after this life. I often wonder at the sadness of those without the knowledge that we have. It is stil hard and horrible to go through, but maybe we have a little buffer.
I just saw my aged grandparents yesterday afternoon. Gramps is 91, Gram 80. They were showing me their warwounds from losing their balance and falling. Gramps has some sort of skin lymphoma he's getting chemo for. I haven't always been particularly close to them, but I dread the coming days of being without them. They've just always been there.
Take care. I'll be thinking of your family.
A sweet tribute to what sounds like a very special man.
I think this is what it means in the scriptures when it says we should "mourn with those who mourn."
Thanks ladies. You know, I immediately felt better after getting all my feelings out. The grieving process is interesting. Thanks for pointing out that scripture Afton. I've never thought of that, but you're absolutely right.
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